One Month On...

One month ago, I walked into hospital to have a ketamine infusion to try and lower my base pain levels down as my CRPS kept flaring up. The intention was that I would walk out of hospital with lower base pain levels and return to university the next day. Unfortunately at some point during the procedure my brain decided that my leg needed protecting and turned my leg off, leaving me with no function and in more pain than I was in before. So instead I came out of hospital on crutches.

The following morning my consultant organised an emergency appointment with a lead neurologist to check that nothing else was going on except for my CRPS. The neurologist reassured me that nothing obvious was going on, except that my CRPS had deteriorated post the infusion and that my leg would come back to life at some point. I then went through a couple of weeks being on very strong pain killers and still in a lot of pain. I didn't think it  could get much worse, but then it did, my CRPS spread all the way down my leg to my foot, it felt like I had severe sun burn all the way down my leg, along with a twisted ankle and stabbing pain in my knee, it was constant with pain spikes.

Throughout the weeks that followed, I spent a lot of time at physio and at the doctors with all of them trying to find a way forward for me. I knew there was a long road ahead, which would be full of ups and downs and I would have to put in all my energy into staying positive and give myself the best possible chance of a recovery.  

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One month on yes I'm still on crutches, still have little function in my leg and still in pain. But the fact of the matter is, I got through a month of it, which I didn't think I could at the time.  Yes there were days in the last month where I wanted to give up but somehow I carried on going. Despite all of the difficult, negative things I have had to deal with there are some positives. The biggest positive is that it has proven that I am stronger than I think I was and, that I can get through the harder times. Yes I would rather be at university, but by taking the time to get my condition under control I will be able to enjoy university more when I go back.

There will be more times in the future where its hard to cope and feel like I can't deal with it any longer. But even though I cannot jump the hurdle at the time, does not mean I will not in the future. 

I hope this has given a little insight into some of the battles faced by living with CRPS. But importantly just remember this:

"you're braver than you believe, you are stronger than you seem and smarter than you think." (Winnie the Pooh)