Invisible Illness

'But You Don't Look Sick...'

'Don't Judge a Person by its Cover'

When I am out and about in public I may not appear to be in pain that doesn't mean I am not in pain. I don't show I'm in pain because I want to live my life just as any able bodied person would. If I was to show the amount of pain I was in all the time then  I would be a very negative person. When I'm out and about I don't always use my wheelchair, I use my crutches, the same type of crutches that you would be given for a broken leg, it doesn't mean I am not living with a permanent disability.   

People have a tendency to make a judgement about a person. When you see a person getting out of a car in the disabled bay for example, but they don't look particularly disabled. You ask the question to yourself "How is that person disabled?  Should they be parking there?"  You may decide that person is not disabled enough and you form a prejudice against him/her.  Imagine that person suffers from chronic pain and can't walk very far, they may be walking unaided but that doesn't mean they aren't in constant pain. Maybe they need that blue badge to enable them to do their shopping or get to their doctors appointments. 


There is very much a love hate relationship with having a invisible disability.  There are positives which include  giving you a chance to blend in with the rest and being selective as to who I share the details of my disability with.  However this can make it harder to accept I'm not physically  who I used to be, I see the same person that you used to kayak and play sports. 

One of the biggest problems presented by having an invisible disability is getting the treatment you need and deserve. My CRPS symptoms, especially early on were not always visible and I couldn't ensure that they would appear when I went to a doctors appointment. This can lead to a feeling of am I being believed?,Or even thinking that the doctor thinks you are a hypochondriac.


One of the less talked about areas of invisible disabilities is side effects. When you have a chronic pain condition you take multiple medications to try and dampen down the symptoms. These medications can often feel like they are doing more harm than good.  I might be a out in my wheelchair but my medications might be making me feel nauseous and knackered. Yet if I was to stop every time that I was suffering from side effects, I would just be existing rather than living. That wouldn't be conducive to a very positive experience and therefore you have to fight and not let those side effects get you all the time.

So thank you for all being so supportive, both through this blog and my Facebook page (@LivingWithCRPS1). But next time someone opens up about their disability, listen and acknowledge what they are saying, don't question it and think about what you might not be able to see.  Most importantly acknowledge the positives you can't see, the strength and resilience, determination and hope that person has. Even if you struggle to comprehend what that person is going through a little encouragement goes a long way to keeping that person going.

One Month On...

One month ago, I walked into hospital to have a ketamine infusion to try and lower my base pain levels down as my CRPS kept flaring up. The intention was that I would walk out of hospital with lower base pain levels and return to university the next day. Unfortunately at some point during the procedure my brain decided that my leg needed protecting and turned my leg off, leaving me with no function and in more pain than I was in before. So instead I came out of hospital on crutches.

The following morning my consultant organised an emergency appointment with a lead neurologist to check that nothing else was going on except for my CRPS. The neurologist reassured me that nothing obvious was going on, except that my CRPS had deteriorated post the infusion and that my leg would come back to life at some point. I then went through a couple of weeks being on very strong pain killers and still in a lot of pain. I didn't think it  could get much worse, but then it did, my CRPS spread all the way down my leg to my foot, it felt like I had severe sun burn all the way down my leg, along with a twisted ankle and stabbing pain in my knee, it was constant with pain spikes.

Throughout the weeks that followed, I spent a lot of time at physio and at the doctors with all of them trying to find a way forward for me. I knew there was a long road ahead, which would be full of ups and downs and I would have to put in all my energy into staying positive and give myself the best possible chance of a recovery.  

***

One month on yes I'm still on crutches, still have little function in my leg and still in pain. But the fact of the matter is, I got through a month of it, which I didn't think I could at the time.  Yes there were days in the last month where I wanted to give up but somehow I carried on going. Despite all of the difficult, negative things I have had to deal with there are some positives. The biggest positive is that it has proven that I am stronger than I think I was and, that I can get through the harder times. Yes I would rather be at university, but by taking the time to get my condition under control I will be able to enjoy university more when I go back.

There will be more times in the future where its hard to cope and feel like I can't deal with it any longer. But even though I cannot jump the hurdle at the time, does not mean I will not in the future. 

I hope this has given a little insight into some of the battles faced by living with CRPS. But importantly just remember this:

"you're braver than you believe, you are stronger than you seem and smarter than you think." (Winnie the Pooh)

Rare Disease Day Awareness

If I say to someone I've got CRPS, I can almost guarantee that the response will be something a long the lines of, what is that?  

Imagine saying that to a doctor and getting the same response and every time having to explain yourself. It gets a bit tiring and can sometimes make you feel quite negative.

Which is why I want to do something positive and try and change that response.

I was lucky and my symptoms were picked up quickly and all other conditions ruled out efficiently. But this isn't the case for many and needs to be changed, so that people can access treatments they need to reduce the pain and possibly prevent long-term or permanent disability.

The medical world may not know the condition in enough detail or have a cure, but that doesn't mean that it shouldn't be a recognised condition.

Please take a look at the poster above, its all there. If someone says they suffer from CRPS just think about those symptoms, they may be smiling and happy at the time but this is what they have to put up with everyday.  Ask them how their week has been, show a bit of interest in their condition.

Just remember it may be invisible, but it doesn't mean its not there.

About

Complex Regional Pain Syndrome (CRPS) is a chronic pain condition characterised by pain that is greater and lasts a lot longer than would be expected given the original injury. Alongside this the skin in and around the effected area may become  highly sensitised, meaning the slightest touch, can lead to pain. 

In my case CRPS affects my right leg and was caused by a sports injury. If it was not for the determination of the doctor who was dealing with my injury in 2014, I would probably not have a diagnosis. I was lucky, a lot of people go years without diagnosis as the condition is not recognised by many. Early recognition and treatment is crucial for this condition. There are not that many recognised treatments available for CRPS and there is no known cure. Which leads me to my first and main reason for this blog, to raise awareness of the condition. I hope to do this through talking about the ups and downs of living with CRPS, what works and what doesn't.