Pacing

Spoon Theory (Christine Miserandino: 2003) is a metaphor used to explain how much energy those with disabilities have to do everyday tasks, with each spoon representing a unit of energy. Each day is different as my energy levels differ depending on my pain levels and therefore I have a different number of spoons available. Everyday tasks plus those that are required to keep my  CRPS under control, for example physio, have an allocated number of spoons. If I run out of spoons for that day then I have run out of energy and need to rest.

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A couple of weeks ago I had a ketamine (yes that is horse tranquilliser) infusion in hospital to try and bring my baseline pain levels down. Unfortunately it did the complete opposite and made everything worse and I currently have no function at all in my leg along with higher pain levels. This has made my mobility (temporarily we hope) more impaired, using crutches and wheelchair to get around. As a result increasing the amount of energy needed to do basic tasks and the number of spoons needed to do them, with a limited supply of spoons (energy) available.  

However this led to me missing two weeks of university and I wanted to go back. Knowing I would be dependent on a lot of help to get around campus. When I got there, I had meetings with staff at the university and found out what help was available to me.  It was clear that I could come back to university although it would be highly challenging emotionally and physically. There were other options available to me such as taking a year out and returning next January and continuing from where I left off. 

I had a very difficult decision to make, with positives and negatives of all of them. The question I had to ask myself was:

Do I currently have enough spoons (energy) to deal with university, and the current emotional and physical stresses of dealing with my CRPS?

The answer: No.

So after weighing up the options and spending the day at university, I decided to take a year out. This was an extremely difficult with my head saying take a year out, and my heart saying stay at university.  

I hope to make the most of the time I have got to sort my leg out, so I can return to university in a much better condition!